In the so-called modern era, dating is something so necessary to fit in society. Gone are the days when true love was not obliged to looks, standards, money, leisure, lust, infatuation, attraction and fun. Gone are the days when people genuinely used to put in efforts for the relationship to sustain. The newfangled ways of loving in the youth and the mentality of the elderly people regarding love are in conflict due to the generation gap. Love is supposed to be a feeling of wholesome satisfaction. A sense of emotional and thoughtful connection between two souls who will be together for eternity to support, care, adore and cherish each other, but unfortunately, a devastating and toxic transformation is witnessed in the definition of love over the years, especially in the present-day generation. Let us scrutinize all of this in various significant aspects a little closely.
1.) Teenage Love and Family Role in India
While the hormonal changes occur in the young adults in this phase, teenage is when thoughts of desire for love first start hitting the mind of an individual, which can be due to different reasons. One such reason is the cinema, of course! In web series or movies, a growing kid may encounter the curiosity for a relationship. Another possible reason might be the free and romanticized environment in which the child has been raised, be it in the family of open-minded members or in the peer group. The premature thoughts of love cross the mind in the teenage phase. Young adults are usually instructed and trained to be hostile about the feeling of love by their parents; its futility and pitfalls are all magnified and then presented in front of their children in such a way like it is something really immoral to do. The sophisticated reason for this is often the strong statement that falling in love may affect their child’s mental health and studies and may even bring behavioural changes.Also, one of the groundless and recurring logic given by adults is that falling in love makes the teen prone to indulgence in watching porn or discussing such things with friends out of excitement to explore love. So, they end up being strict with their child. But, let me take you through some myth busters! Do you agree with the statement that ‘Strict parents breed the best liars’?
Whether or not a teen would have a ‘spoiled personality’ has nothing to do with his elders’ intensity of strictness and imperativeness in his teenage years. It is all dependent upon how well he is brought up. If since childhood, a child is open with both the parents about his feelings, perspectives, needs and choices and if the parents too, warmly welcome their way, constructively discuss the pros and cons and a healthy dialogue takes place between the parents and the kid, then it is quite obvious that a child is less likely to lie to them throughout life, isn’t it? Whereas, if a child knows that he lives in a restricted and controlled environment, he is less likely to be open about what thought process he has or his needs, choices, opinions, and ideas. It is seemingly evident that such a child will be more inclined to lie and live in the dark. So, if the conscience of the elders says that falling in love would spoil their child, they are so mistaken to believe that he could not indulge in such things in secrecy. So this is no basis for criticizing a child for being in love. If studies were to be affected, there could be plenty more important reasons that actually do affect studies for sure; namely drug addiction, depression, trauma, disinterest, lousy influence and frustration; all these things happen in disguise too. Every child has to make it out good through these on his own. These are some areas that need to be focused upon by parents. Hence, it is clear that parenting has a significant role in understanding things, and neither of the reasons shall be the sole cause to invalidate teenage love. Very few parents allow dating in teenagers today; the rest are close-minded or trivialize and discard teenage love feelings as baseless, immature, or temporary. In my opinion, it is something immensely wrong to do that. Adolescence is a phase when significant personality growth takes place, and this is not deniable! In such a scenario, development and evolution of love, compassion, care, thoughtfulness, benevolence, responsibility, kindness, sympathy, loyalty, trust, emotions, wisdom, and sanity are important traits that should definitely manifest in a growing young adult to be a good human being and such qualities come into play via experiences which the teen goes through. Such experiences shall grow as when the teen tries out being in a relationship because it is evident that these are all the critical elements for success. Also, most people find their true love towards the end of their teenage itself. The reasons contributing to break-ups may be family disapproval or career interruption. Still, it is never the lack or disappearance of the feelings if it was the emotionally mature kind of love. True love never holds anybody from being responsible enough for their future; instead, it gives the motivation to achieve excellence so that their significant other may be presented with the gift of a well-off life. I believe parents shall guide and educate their kids in this phase about relationships, responsibilities, and morals they carry instead of standing against and cursing them. Having found the right one before marriage is requisite to avoid unhappy marriages and conflicting lives in the future. To find a soulmate is not a child’s play; it takes time, and teenage is the best-suited phase for this.
2.) Hatred or Jealousy Against Couples
It is often witnessed that people who are in a relationship receive hate or mean comments about their love life. This is mainly due to one primary reason that covers a wide range of other reasons: jealousy or ego issues. Single people generally give absurd names or categorize and tease couples as creepy people. This makes the couple feel targeted, but they, however, surpass all of this with the love and support of their partners. People who haven’t had an impressive past concerning relationships often try to pull others around them down too by persuading their perspectives. Such manipulation is also done by their own friends and acquaintances. People who have been single throughout their teenage, encourage the youngsters to be single as well. Also, some people take it on their ego like, “Oh, that friend of mine has a girlfriend/boyfriend, but I am better than him/her, then why do I don’t have someone!” But pause and rethink! Isn’t it so mean and unnecessarily toxic to do this stuff? Humans are meant to have humanity, and neither of these habits has even a pinch of humanity. Mankind has to allow love to prosper, if not as couples and lovers, than fellow human beings, friends, and well-wishers. Doing all these things just degrades oneself and the esteem of the pair as well. It is rightly said that “The people who are unhappy with who they are; will only be mean to others.”
3.) One-sided Love Stories
You might have come across several cases wherein people claim that the person they genuinely love doesn’t love them back. This is really common nowadays. But have you ever wondered if it is really the so-called “true love”? How can someone love a person who emotionally unavailable to you or has no clue regarding his/her feelings or even if he/she does know, he/she doesn’t actually care. How can someone love a person who holds no sweet memories with him/her or has boundaries for you? The truth is, this type of love can’t be called love in reality. One-sided love is ostensible and is a mere infatuation or obsession; these are ‘love-like feelings’ but are often confused with love. People should know the fine line between the two things. If you ask people who are in a one-sided love scenario that was is the reason that they love a particular person, you’ll definitely receive numb answers like, “Love never happens because of a reason, it just happens…” or “I don’t exactly know but it is what it is…” and so on. But the fact is that love always has reasons; if you don’t have a cause to love someone, what would be the reasons you hold on to that feeling forever? Not to discourage, but one-sided love is nothing but an emotional illusion; it is not love, so accept the facts and work towards moving on. Though it takes a lot of efforts, it is worth it. One can take the motivation from the fact that there might be one person in the world who could love you the way you expect, they wat you deserve! Imagine how unfair it will be with the person who deserves you to spend your energy, attention and time on someone who doesn’t want you or who doesn’t recognize and value your efforts.
4.) Love At First Sight and Lust
Have you ever met someone who told you that “It’s love at first sight!” sounds exciting? Well, not to me. I believe that this kind of love should not be called love but attraction; it is the cover of a person attracted to and not the inner soul. It appears a really vague and immoral concept that people think that they love a person just because he/she was pleasing to the sight, isn’t it? It has a fifty-fifty chance that the person you are attracted to turns out to be a good person personality-wise too if you are fortunate, things could be in your favour. Then the further story goes smooth as butter-like shown in the movies, but what if that person doesn’t like you back? Or what if the person turns out to be arrogant and egoistic or manipulative by nature? Can you take the guarantee? And if love was supposed to be based on “outer beauty”, what remains the value of efforts, kindness, benevolence and responsibilities? Does that mean the people who are not beautiful according to you don’t deserve to be loved? People who pick their partners like this have a rare chance to sustain their relationships because disputes regarding uncomfortableness and incompatibility come into existence which is very natural. After all, you never looked for that “at first sight”; you chose to trust on your ‘first sight’ rather than what your heart wants, so that is the corresponding result to it.Another facet of this type of attraction, or maybe another version instead, say is lust. You might have come across people who want casual relationships or physical relationships. That is something that others should definitely oppose, not out of jealousy or hatred but due to its unethicality. It is nothing but use and throw game just for the sake of lust, and that is such a shame on one’s mentality that he/she can’t be a loyal husband/wife in the future as well. Insensitive people like these are a threat to humanity and are the primary factor affecting relationships these days. To love a body is limerence; to love a soul is the purpose of life. I cannot get over how messy the lives of the so-called playboys/playgirls must be when they become parents; would they even have any morals and values to teach their kids? Craving for lust in a person reflects the level of emotional immaturity and instability, and it indeed gives a wrong impression and is not a thing to be proud of. Raising a child as a good teenager is the responsibility of a parent, and that is why I firmly believe that parents should be open with their children about this matter. Prostitution is NOT love.
5.) What is True Love Then?
Love is actually a vast topic, but in brief, you can say it’s love when it is mutual. People say that you should not convert friendships into relationships because you will end up losing both. But, in my opinion, you can’t love an unknown person, love is nothing but friendship set on fire and true friends never leave, you love your friends, don’t you? The thing is that there is a way to execute it all; replace proposals with confessions; just let them know what they mean to you and how you want them in your life, and if it’s a no, then don’t beg them to stay if they don’t want to as now they feel awkward with you, in fact, give them space for a while and be convincing enough to show them that you genuinely don’t want to ruin your friendship with them, the right one always stay with you till the end no matter what. True love is never a chance; it is always a decision! Perpetuating emphasis on the elements of true love, they are – understanding each other’s views, expectations and situations, respecting each other’s boundaries, time, efforts and differences, allowing room for clear communication and comprehension, caring and supporting each other till the last breath, loyalty and reciprocation of affection, constructive and fruitful arguments, sacrifices, realization and apologies for the wrongs. One can observe such grounds only and only if he/she is emotionally mature enough to understand the real meaning of true love and to be emotionally mature, the right kind of atmosphere at home, the right choices of friends, the right kind of education and learning from other’s and one’s own mistakes and experiences and prohibition of selfishness shall be into practice since the childhood. Love is pure bliss; it must never be taken for granted.