By Elise Brooke
What is an abuser?
Abuse can come from anyone, anyone can be an abuser, abusers come from all groups , cultures, religions, economic levels and all backgrounds. The majority of abusers are only violent with their current or past intimate partners. Abusers are generally law abiding outside the home. Because there is no one typical detectable personality of an abuser, they often display common characteristics such as;
They deny the existence or minimizes the seriousness of the violence and its effect on the victim or other family members.
And objectify the victim and often sees them as their property or sexual object.
The abusers have low self- esteem and feels powerless and ineffective in the world.
An abuser externalizes the causes of their behavior, blaming circumstances e.g stress, partners behavior, bad day, alcohol, and drugs.
They may be pleasant and charming between periods of violence.
Warning signs/red flags
A bad temper
Cruelty to animals
Sabotage of birth control methods
Extremely controlling behavior
Antiquated beliefs about roles of women and men in a relationship
Blaming the victim for anything bad that happens, every time, gas lighting
Sabotage or obstruction of the victims ability to work or attend school
Controls all the finances
Abuse of other family members, children or pets
Accusations of the victim flirting or cheating
Control of what the victim wears and how they act, where they go
Demeaning the victim
Embarrassment or humiliation of the victim in front of others
Harassment of victim at work
Types of abuse
Physical- intentional bodily injury
Sexual- non consensual sexual contact
Mental mistreatment or emotional- brain wash and verbal
Financial or material abuse
Neglect or acts of omission and abandonment
Consequently the victim can experience a host of issues including anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Verbal abuse can cause the victim to believe very negative things about themselves which impacts their self esteem.
Please see my article What is Self-Love? Why is it important? – Leveraged Writings %
A great deal of abuse in life is unavoidable and can only be escaped once it has taken place. Some forms of abuse can be avoided to some extent if proper precautions are put in place early;
Like taking the time to learn what abuse is and is not so you recognize abuse if it occurs to you or someone close to you.
And learning to be assertive in communicating your boundaries what is acceptable and not acceptable to you.
Lets shine a light on abuse and break the cycle of violence.
Please see the article on “What is boundary setting?” What is boundary setting? By Elise Brooke – Leveraged Writings
To see how I escaped 8 years of abuse please follow this link to my article “You will never take my soul.”