By Elise Brooke

What is an abuser?

Abuse can come from anyone, anyone can be an abuser, abusers come from all groups , cultures, religions, economic levels and all backgrounds. The majority of abusers are only violent with their current or past intimate partners. Abusers are generally law abiding outside the home. Because there is no one typical detectable personality of an abuser, they often display common characteristics such as;

They deny the existence or minimizes the seriousness of the violence and its effect on the victim or other family members.

And objectify the victim and often sees them as their property or sexual object.

The abusers have low self- esteem and feels powerless and ineffective in the world.

An abuser externalizes the causes of their behavior, blaming circumstances e.g stress, partners behavior, bad day, alcohol, and drugs.

They may be pleasant and charming between periods of violence.

Warning signs/red flags

Extreme jealousy



A bad temper

Cruelty to animals

Sabotage of birth control methods

Verbal abuse

Extremely controlling behavior

Antiquated beliefs about roles of women and men in a relationship

Forced sex

Blaming the victim for anything bad that happens, every time, gas lighting

Sabotage or obstruction of the victims ability to work or attend school

Controls all the finances

Abuse of other family members, children or pets

Accusations of the victim flirting or cheating

Control of what the victim wears and how they act, where they go

Demeaning the victim

Embarrassment or humiliation of the victim in front of others

Harassment of victim at work

Types of abuse

Physical- intentional bodily injury

Sexual- non consensual sexual contact

Mental mistreatment or emotional- brain wash and verbal

Financial or material abuse

Modern slavery


Organizational/ Industrial

Neglect or acts of omission and abandonment

Self neglect

Consequently the victim can experience a host of issues including anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Verbal abuse can cause the victim to believe very negative things about themselves which impacts their self esteem.

Please see my article What is Self-Love? Why is it important? – Leveraged Writings %

Preventing abuse

A great deal of abuse in life is unavoidable and can only be escaped once it has taken place. Some forms of abuse can be avoided to some extent if proper precautions are put in place early;

Like taking the time to learn what abuse is and is not so you recognize abuse if it occurs to you or someone close to you.

And learning to be assertive in communicating your boundaries what is acceptable and not acceptable to you.

Lets shine a light on abuse and break the cycle of violence.

Please see the article on “What is boundary setting?” What is boundary setting? By Elise Brooke – Leveraged Writings

To see how I escaped 8 years of abuse please follow this link to my article “You will never take my soul.”

anonymous woman with tied hands against gray background
Photo by fotografierende on

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